"I look like I'm together but I'm not."
A friend said that to me yesterday. She did look together! An adorable chick with a growing business, cool hubby and happy life.
Yet something else was going on: She felt a little undone. Still needing to improve, update, or be something other than who she was at that moment.
At a Power Chicks meeting a while back, I could have said it, too: “I look like I’m together, but I’m not.”
Halfway through the event, I realized that if I moved the wrong way, stretched up an arm, or heaven forbid bent over, I’d come undone – literally. My clothes were (cough, cough) cobbled together with safety pins.
- My pants: I’ve never actually hemmed them, and they’ve been pinned up for months.
- The waistband with the flimsy metal tab thingy I always worry will break: pinned.
- My camisole straps to my shirt with the wide neckline that edges off my shoulders: pinned.
“I look like I’m together, but I’m not.” Have you ever said those words?
Sometimes, we look good on the outside, but inside, we’re thinking: “I wish I could pull things together. My business is barely afloat. I’m floundering over in this area. I need to do (XYZ) before I can be happy. And why can’t I get a handle on (fill in the blank)?”
The self-talk blathers on as we corral our so-called weakness and faults, eyeballing them with a cold, hard stare. Then comes the proclamation: “You’ll NEVER get it together.”
I say – screw that line of thought.
Today, let’s embrace those parts of us that are in process and imperfect. (Tweet this tidbit!) Not because we don’t want to grow and change, but because in attacking our own vulnerabilities, we judge a part of ourselves. And we need to engage all of ourselves to become the people we’re capable of being. Besides, judgments feel like crap and keep us stalled, so what’s the point, anyway?
Treating ourselves with kindness, acceptance and compassion is key to our business success. Here are a few tips to doing that.
1. Know your imperfections are just fine.
Really, truly! Some of the loveliest and most successful people I know are those who notice self-judgments yet don’t get “hooked.” Our angst and attention are what make criticisms so powerful.
2. Pay attention.
Don’t let negative stuff run willy-nilly through your noggin, because it’s the unconscious stuff that really trips us up. If need be, spend a day (or week) jotting down your thoughts. If there’s a slew of judgment, switch things up and consciously think more positively.
3. Get more grounded in your physical body.
Self-judgment is a mental thing, so engaging your body takes you up and outta that yucky place. Walk the dog, dance in your skivvies, clean your desk, go for a run, do some yoga, get movin' and groovin'. Your mindset will change lickety split.
4. Make compassion your right hand gal.
It's okay to be human. To be you. So, wrap yourself in a big ole' blanket of compassion as needed. Being a strong woman means also being vulnerable at times, and honest enough to go eyeball-to-eyeball with your soft, tender places with kindness.
Bottom line? We have so much going for us. We’re smart, motivated, we work hard and we want our businesses to make this world a better place. So much is ahead for us.
Not just when we’re standing strong but even when we're utterly undone — safety pins and all.
Post by Lynn Baldwin-Rhoades, founder of Power Chicks.
Power Chicks Chime In: Can you relate at all to feeling undone? Bet ya can! What helps you move from grouchy judgment to kind self-acceptance? Any tips or tricks to share with us?
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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
I love it! Thank you for reminding us that we need to be our own cheerleader, and not to be so hard on ourselves. ^5!
LOVE this! Your writing is sheer joy to read, Lynn. And each and every word is exactly what I needed to hear at this very moment (yes I CAN relate!)–how DID you know? Fantastic advice, filled w/warmth and wisdom. Doesn’t get much better than that! Thanks Lady! Cheers ~Norma
Oh my goodness, can I relate!! “I look like I’m together but I’m not” COULD be my personal mantra if I let it… and I have in the past. I have had to do every item on the list, accepting imperfections, REALLY paying close attention to negative thoughts and learning how to stop them immediately, , taking care of my personal needs, , and learning to really love and accept myself. As you said, compassion for ourselves is often much more difficult than expressing compassion for others… It really is hard work to be kind and patient with ourselves sometimes, but it essential if we want a peaceful, happy life… we cannot be our own worst critic… we have to be able to turn off the negative thinking and remind ourselves how awesome we really are!!! Give yourself credit for what you do each day, not what doesn’t get done…. focus on the positive and find the many blessings we each have to be grateful for. I remember a couple lines from a poem that started, “Count your blessings, not your woes, count your friends, not your foes… ” I wish I remembered the rest, but even just those two lines have comforted me many times!! Great post, Lynn…. thanks for spreading the word that it IS ok to not be perfect and still love ourselves!! I needed the reminder!!
Thank you Lynn! I really needed this today.
@Sonia, “cheerleader” is a great word to describe what helps our attitudes. Thanks for chiming in!
@Norma, you are a DEAR. I have so much respect for you – your kind words are much appreciated.
@Lynn, I”m glad this post hit ya where you needed it to, and I love your poem there at the end. Thanks for commenting!
@Beth, you’re entirely welcome. Happy day to you!
I can so relate. In my case instead of safety pins, it’s duct tape or electrical tape! Congratulations on the blog and the new website, Lynn!
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